To Feel and Experience Love

“I know you love me, but I don’t feel it,” that was what my 17 year old son said to me when we were talking the other day. What he had said struck me and made me thinking. I thought I’m doing all the right things and the best I can for him. What I got is that doing my best is not enough. In fact, “doing” is never enough if I neglect “being”.

I asked myself, “What do I need from my parents when I was a child? Food, clothing, shelter, protection, and guidance? Is that all?” What I can remember is that I don’t feel that my parents love me. In fact there was hidden anger and resentment toward them. Oh boy! History repeated itself.

You and I are known as human being, not human doing. There are two distinct word; “Human” and “Being”. To live a powerful life, one must find balance between “Human” and “Being”. What ever roles we play in our life, what ever we do come from the “Human” dimension, the “Doing”. Even though you have done your very best, “Doing” is never enough if you neglected “Being”.

How do we bring “Being” into the relationship with our child? The key is to give them attention. There are two kinds of attention:

The first is connected to “Doing”. Example; Have you eat your dinner? Have you done your homework? Have you brush your teeth? Have you done this and that? And so on and so forth.

The other attention is connected to the dimension “Being”. When you were with your child; helping him, touch him, listen to him; you not wanting anything other than that the moment as it is, no expectation what so ever. In this way, you make room for “Being”.

When I present to the moment I was with him (and other younger children); I’m not the father, I’m the alertness, stillness (of little voice in my head), and the presence. In that moment; I listen (not just hear), I see (not just look), I speak (not just talk) and I touch (not just hold). I’m the “Being” behind the “Doing”.

If you have young children, give them help, guidance, and protection to the best of your ability. Even more important is to give them space, space to be. They came to this world through you, but they are not “yours”, they belong to God. Love them, not from human dimension, which is conditional, possessive, and intermittent. But love from “Being” dimension, which has no boundary. Then you’ll have true love in the relationship. Your child will feel your love for him/her.