Pursuing happiness is the main agenda of most people. Oxford Dictionary defined pursue as follow with the intent to catch or capture. What I got from the definition was that happiness is something out there, something that we have to follow and catch to feel or to experience it. That something might be getting a fulfilling job, a million dollars, a perfect mate, so on and so forth.

A few years back I was complaining about me not getting a promotion. I was not happy and I thought getting a promotion will bring me the happiness I was pursuing. I got the promotion and I was very happy. However the happiness did not last long. New commitments were made, more bills were added and some of them were getting bigger. A new pursue began, “I’ll be happy if I get another promotion.” I was present to the fact that the same cycle will continue, on and on and on….. Am I going to let myself in the same “fate” as I was before or get out of it? I chose to be grateful with what I have at the moment and enjoy it. By choosing to be grateful, I’m releasing the happiness which is already inside me (and every one of us). If we do not chose to be grateful, greed will prevent us from feeling the happiness.

I did not say that you should be “contented” and not working hard to pursue your dream. You should continue pursuing your dream, but you don’t have to postpone your happiness to “someday”. You can experience the happiness right now, regardless of the situation you are in now by accepting what you are having.

“Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.” - Charles F Kettering.

Happy is a way of being. When you are being happy, you created a space that allowed yourself to be the best you can. When you give your best, the universe will give the best to you.

Last week I attended a briefing about a pre-degree program offered by a local public university (MPU).  A father asked the Head of the Program whether there was any different between the program offered by MPU and the one offered by other universities. The Head told the assembly that there was no different except that MPU offered one extra subject and their certificate was recognized by some foreign universities. The father said that he felt cheated because he was made to understand that the program offered by MPU was the best in Malaysia.

If you were the father, what is “the best” to you? Is it from other people perception or from your own judgement based on the information available to you? Is it based on popularity or the traits of the program (or person)?

This seems to be the source of problems in our life. We evaluate things (or person) according to perception, standard (need) and ideal set by the community. In the above case, the father believed that the program offered by MPU was the best and he wanted the confirmation from the Head. The “no different” answer made him felt that he was cheated by his friends. He wanted the best for his son. What he wanted to hear from the Head was “Yes, our program is the best”.

When he heard a different answer from what he had expected, he felt frustrated and got stuck. His mind and his inner voice (conscience) can’t see what was there. He heard what the Head of the Program said but he was not present to it. He heard but he doesn’t listen. He wanted to hear the magic word “YES”. He was not present to what actually the Head wanted to convey (it was not proper for him to say that the program offered by his university is better than other public universities) that was, recognition by some foreign universities which allow the graduates to further their study there.

Expectation, standard and ideal is what always hinders us from appreciating and accepting something or someone the way it is or he/she is. If it is left unchecked, it will leave a negative impact on us. You will feel unfulfilled, angry, lost of vitality, unhappy, and so on….

I noticed that most of my interactions with others are confined to exchange of words. I find it so uncomfortable to be with someone without saying a word. I tend to judge the person or thinking what that person thinks about me.

“What I’m going to talk about?”
“Why she’s looking at me that way?”
“I think she can’t be trusted”
“Why she does not say a word?”
“What she think about me?”

A still and quiet mind can make you less reactive to the “problem” of life and it will give you inner peace. I reckoned still and quiet mind will give a tremendous boost to my relationship with others. I started practising quieting the mind with my wife. We look at each other in the eye and say nothing. It wasn’t easy when we first started. There were a lot of noises in our mind. We tend to do things to cover up being uncomfortable. However, it becomes easy and easier over time. Now we are comfortable being in stillness together. With stillness, comes the sense of spaciousness, spaces that we can fill with anything.

The relationship which is dominated by the noisy mind can easily be taken over by problems and conflict.