Have you ever gotten furious at someone, causing a big scene about how wronged you were, only to find out it was some trivial misunderstanding? Have you ever accused another of some transgression, only to discover later it was a miscommunication? Have you ever believed that someone had done something terrible to you, and then learned that this person was in extreme suffering in their own life (serious illness or severe loss) at the time? Have you ever spent hours, days, weeks, or months suffering over believing someone had deliberately hurt you, only later to learn that they were totally unaware due to their own life crisis?

If you’ve ever experienced any of these (and I think we all have), you’ve been blessed to be shown your process of “making up a story” about what is happening so you can be justified in feeling wounded and behaving hurt.

I was once walking down the street with a friend. He said, “Hi!” to a stranger on the sidewalk as we passed. The other person gave no acknowledgement. My friend ranted and raved and fumed long after the event. He thought the other person was rude. Here are some alternative possibilities to explain what happened.

• Perhaps the man was a city dweller and was more suspicious of friendliness than my friend (who lived in the country).
• It could be that the man had just lost a family member and was too deep in grief.
• Maybe he had just learned he had a life threatening disease.
• He might have a mental illness that made him terrified of strangers.
• Maybe he was late getting somewhere and did not even notice us on the sidewalk.

Start to be aware of any stories you tell yourself to explain the behaviors of others. Do you have a consistent pattern of explaining events so that you are the victim of other people’s behavior? Do you create a “story” about what happened without a word to the other person? Do you “go along” with things you don’t agree with, withdraw, make up a story and feel injured? Do you overreact by automatically assuming you have been deliberately slighted? Do you spend a lot of time focusing on other people’s behavior looking for transgressions real or imagined, while paying little attention to your own behavior and its impact on others?

Consider moving your attention back into your own body and sphere of influence. Start looking to your own behavior. Become aware of any “stories” you are making up about a situation. Look at the pattern of results of your stories. Do your stories justify your getting angry, feeling rejected, being hurt, retaliating, being mean to others (misdirecting your anger), or ending relationships?

Usually people use their “stories” to justify a behavior they want to do anyway, and intend to do anyway. Look at what you use your stories to justify. Do you justify stealing (”The clerk gave me too much change. They shouldn’t be so stupid.”), being mean (”They hurt me, so I’m going to hurt them more”), lying (”He said he is working tonight, so he must not care. I’m going out with another guy.”)

If you’re really paying attention to your stories, you will soon discover how you use stories to justify your behavior, pretend to be a victim, make yourself right and others wrong and generally complicate human interaction. Letting go of stories will guarantee you a lot more happiness.

About the author: Suzi Elton is a success coach working with highly creative types to create income that matches their talent.She has coached hundreds of clients to approach their goals strategically through tiny steps to bring about quantum leaps. Get free Life Purpose exercises, at http://mylifepurposecoaching.com.

Isn’t it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70’s and 80’s - could write something so very eloquent… and so very appropriate. A sad event can make a different in someone’s life. Below is a message written by George Carlin not long after his wife died:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things.

We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete…

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because t hat is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.

Remember, to say, “I love you” to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you are having trouble with your marriage, you are not alone. However, many people have no idea what to do. Some people believe that they have no choice but to allow their marriage to fall apart. Divorce may not necessarily be the solution to your unhappiness. You can’t solve a problem by creating another problem. In life, people always have choices.

Consider these:

1. Studies suggested that divorced individuals don’t end up happier. You can chose to divorce and end up miserable five years later OR stay married and will be “very happy” after five years.
2. Divorce do has impact on children. How they react to their divorcing parents depends on their age. Choose between your children whole life misery and your five years misery.
3. The divorce rate of remarriages is higher than the first marriages. Choose.

Is your situation hopeless?

If you chose to save your marriage, there is a way. Download “Stop Your Divorce and Save Your Marriage” e-book in the Freebies Corner for the tips. By saving marriage, more than one human being is saved.