Last week I attended a briefing about a pre-degree program offered by a local public university (MPU).  A father asked the Head of the Program whether there was any different between the program offered by MPU and the one offered by other universities. The Head told the assembly that there was no different except that MPU offered one extra subject and their certificate was recognized by some foreign universities. The father said that he felt cheated because he was made to understand that the program offered by MPU was the best in Malaysia.

If you were the father, what is “the best” to you? Is it from other people perception or from your own judgement based on the information available to you? Is it based on popularity or the traits of the program (or person)?

This seems to be the source of problems in our life. We evaluate things (or person) according to perception, standard (need) and ideal set by the community. In the above case, the father believed that the program offered by MPU was the best and he wanted the confirmation from the Head. The “no different” answer made him felt that he was cheated by his friends. He wanted the best for his son. What he wanted to hear from the Head was “Yes, our program is the best”.

When he heard a different answer from what he had expected, he felt frustrated and got stuck. His mind and his inner voice (conscience) can’t see what was there. He heard what the Head of the Program said but he was not present to it. He heard but he doesn’t listen. He wanted to hear the magic word “YES”. He was not present to what actually the Head wanted to convey (it was not proper for him to say that the program offered by his university is better than other public universities) that was, recognition by some foreign universities which allow the graduates to further their study there.

Expectation, standard and ideal is what always hinders us from appreciating and accepting something or someone the way it is or he/she is. If it is left unchecked, it will leave a negative impact on us. You will feel unfulfilled, angry, lost of vitality, unhappy, and so on….

I noticed that most of my interactions with others are confined to exchange of words. I find it so uncomfortable to be with someone without saying a word. I tend to judge the person or thinking what that person thinks about me.

“What I’m going to talk about?”
“Why she’s looking at me that way?”
“I think she can’t be trusted”
“Why she does not say a word?”
“What she think about me?”

A still and quiet mind can make you less reactive to the “problem” of life and it will give you inner peace. I reckoned still and quiet mind will give a tremendous boost to my relationship with others. I started practising quieting the mind with my wife. We look at each other in the eye and say nothing. It wasn’t easy when we first started. There were a lot of noises in our mind. We tend to do things to cover up being uncomfortable. However, it becomes easy and easier over time. Now we are comfortable being in stillness together. With stillness, comes the sense of spaciousness, spaces that we can fill with anything.

The relationship which is dominated by the noisy mind can easily be taken over by problems and conflict.